Why Didn’t I Say No

Why didn’t I say no
When they put me on the bed
And put Pitocin in my arm?

Why didn’t I say no
When they didn’t turn it down
And surges became too strong?

Why didn’t I say no
When they complained
That me talking English was somehow Briefing against them?

Why didn’t I say no
When they manually stretched my cervix,
Not saying baby’s head could stretch it?

Why didn’t I say no
When they said time was up
So they had to get baby out?

Why didn’t I say no
When they put me on another bed,
Legs in stirrups, vulva exposed?

Why didn’t I say no
When they pushed on my uterus?
‘Kristeller Maneuver’ – the pain
Cut like crystals.

Why didn’t I say no
When they cut me open
And ordered me to push?

Why didn’t I say no
When his head was born
And they cut the cord and pulled him out?

I shouted ‘Give me my baby!’
Over and over again.
And they did, but only once they’d cleaned
My unnecessary blood and his distressed shit off him.

Why didn’t I say no?
Six years on
And I ask myself that every night.

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